Post by Kayla on May 31, 2008 19:15:09 GMT -5
Temperature of my heart: Winter
The temperature dropped steeply, freezing everything
It froze motivation, and froze me
Persistence < == What is the use of it?
Just like how I persist and insist in how I write my blog, there will always be someone who wants to teach me what to do
I am what I am, stop telling me what to do, that will not be the real me anymore
If you think that your perception of me in your heart isn’t what you see now
I am sorry, but I am unable to change anything for you
Many people may think we are doing very well right now
Are we having good results because we are being blessed by Lady Luck, I think everyone knows
A 10 minutes performance on stage requires 10 years of offstage practice, incidentally it was not in my world
Other then working hard, we must also endure things that you may never thought of
Sometimes knowing too much, may not be a good thing, it may be out of no reason
Some of these minor things, will never be able to hide those people’s motives
It’s only that I couldn’t believe it that I am living in a society which is more immature then a kindergarten
I thought, people in higher position should have a bigger heart (more benevolence)
But I think my mindset only applies to only Chinese Martial Arts novels, Master Yi Deng, Hong Qi gong, Guo Jing, Wang Chong Yang (they are characters of
These people are the ones, I think. So I really am hallucinating, should have woken up early
I won’t be so foolish to trust a person so easily
The things that they are so picky and particular about nearly made me drop my glasses (a.k.a. fell off my seat)
More immature then two children fighting over candy, in my heart that’s is thousands of unwillingness and helpless that I can’t release
Because in my primary school teacher taught before, that a minister’s stomach should be able to contain a ship (a Chinese proverb which means one should be benevolent and forgiving)
Taught me that forgiving is the most beautiful, but in the end when I stepped into this society, perhaps because some people have left school for too long a period and have forgotten about that
Really feel like giving them a primary school textbook as a gift for New Year, or perhaps, based on real life principles, I’ll put a nice wrapper on top of the book.
Perhaps it needs double layers, because you may not even flip the pages, just wanting the happiness and excitement of tearing the layers off
I nearly forgot some of these people even have their own children, they will most probably be in contact with all these textbooks
Or is this another hallucination of mine, as you do not have time to teach your kids with their homework
Only have time to squabble on who have candies to eat
I always wonder, why does everyone forget what they’ve learnt from textbooks once they have stepped into society?
Since we can’t use it, why do I still have to experience and understand it so seriously, and end up getting into trouble?
I’m starting to believe that one is born evil
This is absurd and ridiculous, I used to believe that one is born with a kind heart, but I all I’ve seen is people with hidden motives getting to the top position
All these conversations with hidden motives are making me scared, I don't wish to change myself
Because I’m not sure if you all are correct, but from my point of view, your reasons and logic are created for this warped and sick society
It is you guys who have changed, it’s you guys whose mindset and values have changed, reality have made all of you become ugly and appalling
All these problems come from the heart, I think even laser operation, plastic surgery can’t save it, it will be more realistic if you go back to study
(**Note: I think he meant that irregardless of how one looks on the outside, how young etc, it will not change one’s personality, so it’s better to go back to school to study the basic values and principles)
Although many people told me, it's the same everywhere, its society’s illness
Not me I think “ba mian ling long” this four words (*meaning: to be well-versed in all areas), the current society should not expressed it in this way
If you understand this essay, please give me more feedback, I don’t need any consolation
I am only sighing, I don’t think I need any consolation or comforting, I only need everyone to read this essay seriously
Because the future is long and far, maybe you have already entered the society, and may have all give in to reality, just hope that you are careful with your steps
Don’t change for the sake of anyone, because there are too many people in this world who wish to change other people and turn them into who they think that particular person should be like.
But, humans live for themselves, if you live in unhappiness, then end it.
I also start to believe, Man becomes human because of the bad thing they did in their last carnation
I really don't know what I bad things did I do, to keep meeting such people
Letting me feel utterly terrible, having all the sorts of emotions, witnessing live and death, reuniting and separation is all better than being changed by all these realistic people.
This is agony to the ultimate, I don't wish to care too much, because it is very tiring, but there are people who purposely wants to provoke me
If this society allows a little violence, then I think I will use it, because I cannot endure any longer
”Xin han” these two words, I also will not anyhow use, because no matter how cold, it is still not as cold as my heart now
(**Xin han means that losing faith, your heart feeling coldness, opposite of a warm heart)
Freezing blood slowly flow through my whole body, slowly losing feeling.
What did I learn from entering this society? Nothing, I only made clear of many matters…
Translated by Tiffany@fahrenheitgloba1.
